


Here's the Star of Our Show

by write_light



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Game Shows, Humor, M/M, With A Twist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 01:53:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8184611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/write_light/pseuds/write_light
Summary: Derek being gone is NOT messing with Stiles' mind. Not in the least.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A heartwarming, crack-filled dream with a game show twist. And Greenberg, possibly.

 

  
::annoying game show theme music plays under the smarmy announcer's intro::

::camera closes in on a nervous Stiles Stilinski perched awkwardly in a director's chair::

  
"Bachelors – please introduce yourself to Stiles!" He stumbled on the name even though he'd practiced it.

"I know how to make you forget every other man you ever dated," said Bachelor Number 1.

Stiles squinted in disbelief.

"Bachelor Number Two?"

"I'll serenade you night and day."

"Oh my God-" Stiles caught himself before he said ' _that sounds horrible!_ ' He adjusted himself in the discomfort of his precarious seat.

"Hi," said the third bachelor and stopped right there.

_Intriguing._

***

Stiles plunged onward, pissed at Scott for being late, at Derek for leaving.

"Bachelor Number 1,"

He'd seen the show; they were probably cute enough, or they were creepy and weird, a better than one-in-three chance.

"Yessiree!" came the eager response from the other side. Stiles winced.

He tried to imagine the man who had just said that, but could see only a pony, frolicking in a meadow, neighing "Yessiree! Yessiree!" A happy pony, for sure. Entirely too happy.

Stiles scanned the audience but could only see the first three rows. Scott's seat was still empty. _Too chicken to show up – knows I'll kill him._ He gathered his courage and went on with this dating game.

"Bachelor Number 1, do you believe in the supernatural?"

Best to get that out in the open, was his thinking. Scott had agreed. The producers were not keen on the question, but Stiles had insisted.

"Yessiree!"

Stiles gaped and stared at the wall between them, never more thankful that it was there. His twitching fingers abraded the words right off the card.

"Um, okay…thank-"

"I believe in my supernatural ability to make you love me," whinnied Number One.

Stiles bit his tongue.

 

::annoying theme music plays for three minutes straight::

 

"And we're back with Stiles, choosing a new boyfriend from among these three lucky bachelors! Let's give him a big round of applause!"

Stiles, blinded by the studio lights, stared into the camera and grinned. At least he hoped he was grinning. When he could see again, Scott's seat was still empty.

"Bachelor Number 2," Stiles began.

"Hello!"

"Hi, uh, so…"

"What's your question for me?" the sharp voice interrupted.

It sounded like Jackson, and that was all Stiles could picture anymore. _That little shit, back from London with his snobby British werewolves._

The host cleared his throat and Stiles focused on the cards in his hand.

"Bachelor Number 2, if you had to choose between a bow and arrow, your teeth, a baseball bat, or screaming really loud, which would you use in a fight?"

That one was ad-libbed and Stiles was proud of it. The host was glaring at him. From the other side of the wall came a series of confused noises.

"I- I guess I'd use a bow and arrow?"

"Because?" Stiles asked leadingly.

"I don't know! That's a weird question!"

"This _is_ Beacon Hills…" Stiles added.

"Time for a commercial!"

_Two down, one to go._

 

::three further minutes of annoying theme music blaring::

 

Scott slid into the seat in Row 1 reserved for friends and family. Stiles gave him a look that would normally mean death; Scott replied with a Boy Scout salute.

_What, Scott? Why are you doing that? Are you flipping me off? Read between these lines, buddy._

Now Scott was twitching his head to the right.

"Bachelor Number 3-"

"Yes, Stiles?" came the most incredibly sexy, masculine voice.

"Ba-bachelor Number 3," he stuttered. He sat up in the chair. "What would you do if we were parked in a dark, secluded spot and you heard a wolf howl?"

"I'd tell him to back off my mate."

Stiles' foot slipped off the narrow foot rest and he almost tipped over trying not to tip over.

"So you wouldn't rip my throat out with your teeth?" he added.

There was a long silence, then Stiles could hear chuckling.

_Cold, heartless chuckling. I like this guy._

"Time for just one more question, Stiles."

"Okay, Bachelor Number 1-"

"Yessiree!"

_Yessiree._

"Would you feel scared if you ran into Bachelor Number 3 in the Beacon Hills Preserve, if you were, you know, just out there with a friend, not knowing it was private property?"

"We'll be back right after these messages from our sponsors!"

 

::APPLAUSE sign flashing::

 

"Welcome back to the show and thankfully our final round of questions."

The host said that while pushing a new stack of cards into Stiles' hands and giving him a look.

Scott was making "W" gang signs against his chest when the host's back was turned.

_What, Scott? What? Fifteen years of friendship and you can't use a secret code we both remember?_

"Hairy" Scott mouthed. Or maybe it was "Terry". Scott rubbed his eyebrows vigorously.

"Bachelor Number 2," Stiles began, staring at the question on the card in front of him.

He flipped it into the air and studied the next card, then moved it to the bottom of the pile.

"Oh hey, here's one!" he said finally.

"Bachelor Number 2,"

"Yes??"

_Petulant. It's gotta be Jackson._

"What is the most striking feature about Bachelor #3?"

There was a pause. Stiles could see Scott staring intently at the bachelors.

"He needs his eyebrows shaped."

"Does he, Bachelor Number 1?" Stiles asked as the host tried to restore order.

"Yessiree!"

_Of course._

"That was my fault for asking, I accept responsibility. But I've made my choice."

 

[[commercial break]]

  
::music plays, heavy on the horns::

 

"Stiles, wake up."

"I'll wake him up, Sheriff."

"You sure you want to do it like this?"

Stiles was sleep-singing the theme music – soft little _da-da-da-DUH DUH da da DAA_ s.

"I do."

"Make it quick then. That’s the _Dating Game_ theme," said the Sheriff. "Can't be a good dream." He left, closing Stiles' bedroom door behind him.

"I've been gone six months and you're dating someone else?" Derek said under his breath. "I don't think so."


End file.
